My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
