This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
