I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
