that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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