when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
