I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
