I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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