She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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