My nipple is on Facebook.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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