in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
