i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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