I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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