So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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