Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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