Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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