I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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