just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
