'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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