I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
