If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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