could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
