If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
please don't ironically join a cult
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