So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
