So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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