woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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