he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
