Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
