the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
