he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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