i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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