i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
