It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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