I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
