How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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