either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
