Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
