She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
