don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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