i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
