I am midnight drunk by noon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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