I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
