I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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