people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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