Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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