She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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