It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
