Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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