I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
