Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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