Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
