If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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