I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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