Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
