You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
