i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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