Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
