I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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