dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
