I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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