so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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