GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
