Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My liver just had a heart attack.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
