talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i think my mom watched the whole time
just tell him i said nine months
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
