According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
