He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
